And an old folk-rhyme:
When a couple are newly married,
The first month is honeymoon, or smick-smack,
The second is hither and thither,
The third is thwick-thwack,
The fourth, the devil take them that brought thee and I [sic]
together.
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While these sayings reveal long-time concerns over the desire for, but all too frequent lack of contentment in marriage, they contain little to explain or understand the situation. Many scholars have written about the romantic side of courtship, but not so many about love or the lack of it in marriage. According to Erich Fromm:
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There is hardly any other activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly. . .If this were the case with any other activity, people would be eager to know the reasons for the failure and to learn how one could do better.
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An increasing number of psychologists and sociologists have been examining these difficult issues. Evidence from folkstories compared with recent scholarly writing helps explain the complex and confusing picture of love in marriage.
Love in Marriage
William Goode sees romantic love as important in facilitating mate selection and holding " a couple together long enough to allow them to begin marriage." He stresses that love is found more in myth than in reality, and probably of more interest in the United States than elsewhere in the world.
Psychologist Frederick Meeker has been quoted as saying that romantic love has a short half-life and decays quickly like radioactive material. What remains for marriage partners is the need for acceptance and a dependence on one another for comfort, security, and self-esteem. Thus threats to one's comfort, security or self-esteem can create major problems between spouses.
Joyce Brothers calls attention to the use of exploitation in love relationships, one partner (generally the male) imposing a subordinate position on the other (usually the female).
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