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In one way or another this theme of winning pervades a great many marriages. Marriage is often a covert struggle or overt warfare rather than peaceful bliss.
A recent bumper sticker proclaims, "War does not decide who is right, only who is left." In this chapter, we look at domestic conflicts and assess what and who are left at the end of the struggle.
Marriage-as-War
In warring marriages, winning is everything. Most spouses are motivated to control and to change the other's behavior.
The reasons for conflict may range from trivial to critical. The issue may be as inconsequential as how one drinks milk or as serious as cuckolding a husband.
"The Woman Who Liked Bread in Milk" shows an attack on a wife for an innocuous remark.
| A poor old couple earned their livelihood by begging from village to village. Becoming very thirsty, the husband said he planned to ask for milk in the next village. The wife had some dry bread in her pocket and remarked that she would like to crumble it into the milk. The husband, who preferred plain milk, responded by scolding her harshly and beating her. It was all in vain. When they got to the next village, no one would give them anything.
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By contrast, in
"The Woman Who Saved Her Lover," a serious offense is presented in a humorous vein.
A wealthy man was married to a beautiful wife. The wife preferred the attentions of a younger man, whom she took as a lover. They had a special signal, which informed the lover when it was safe to come to the woman. One night, the signal was accidentally set the wrong way, and the lover arrived at her home at an inopportune time. The husband, at home with his wife, became suspicious and angry. He was about to reach for a heavy club when his wife convinced him that an evil spirit had knocked on the door. She begged him to cast a spell on the spirit by reciting special verses with her. When her husband had shouted the verses loud enough for the lover to hear, the wife claimed that the spirit had gone, and they were safe. The lover went home amused and waited for a better time.
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