Chapter 3 continued


courtship to marriage may begin. The issue is a seemingly trivial one - who should close the door. Each spouse, however, sees in that act a loss of status in both the outside world and within the household. One could imagine that in courtship, each partner would have hurried to close the door to be more acceptable in the eyes of the other. But in marriage, when acceptance has been assured, the act of door closing takes on a different meaning. 
Each spouse puts her/his honor on the line in refusing to do the other's bidding. But what, one may ask, is dishonorable about door-closing? Is it the act itself, or is it the question of who controls the behavior of the other? If we look at the scene in terms of power and control, we see an early struggle for ruling the household though over quite a ridiculous issue. 
But controlling the household is not a ridiculous issue. It is too often the basis of difficulties in many marriages. The need to win, to be the one whose wishes are obeyed, often supersedes other aspects of married life. 
In the above scene, we see that controlling the action is more important to each spouse than wealth (the thieves took whatever they wanted with no interference); more important than safety and exposure to public ridicule (they sat mutely with the door wide open all night); more important than comfort (they did not eat, drink, or even move from their seats); more important than sex (they did not consummate the marriage); and for the husband, more important than pain and suffering (the police were going to beat him). The conflict is resolved because the wife, out of sympathy, speaks to prevent her husband from being hurt. At that point, her concern for his welfare becomes more important than her desire to get her own way. The husband, however, expresses no gratitude or appreciation of his wife's concern. He simply exults that his power has prevailed.
The story is unique for revealing how quickly this struggle may set in and the length to which marriage partners will go to win. Even the title is symbolic; the struggle for power is rarely admitted openly, but is a silent underlying force in many marriages. 
More recently, an urban legend echoed a similar message. A prospective groom was informed by a relative that if he spoke to his bride right after the wedding ceremony before she spoke to him, he would be assured of future control of the household. Eager to act on this advice, after the wedding ceremony he was about to whisper, "You look lovely," but his new wife turned to him and said, "Don't step on my train."

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